Christmas

It used to be that every Christmas I would stress out about what to buy the kids, what to buy Andrew, and other family and friends. But since we have found ourselves tighter on budget than ever I have a new take on Christmas the last few years. I love this time of year. I love taking the kids to the Temple Lights. I love driving around looking at Christmas decorations. I love being together and just simply being a family. Gifts are not really happening and that is ok. We will spend the holiday loving each other, listening to music and feeling the Spirit of this Season. It is magical! We have even had some pretty cold days which is so rare! I am thankful to have this time with my kids and time to reflect on the year. I am trying to always be positive and to be a good example to my kids. They deserve the best and I am all they've got ;)

Merry Christmas!!!

Truly Amazing Women

You know those times when you really need a friend and you feel like you are all alone? Maybe it is just me... I have been closer to the Savior than I have ever been. There is nothing like solidifying your relationship with the Lord by hitting rock bottom. I have been there and done that. But guess what? The Savior knows me and loves me anyway!! I am so thankful for that knowledge and for the MIRACLE of the Atonement!

I have also had some pretty amazing women in my life helping me along. Right before I took my shame spiral I had the amazing opportunity to really get to know my very good friend Susan. I have to be honest, at first she totally intimidated me. She was our previous Bishop's wife and I had no clue how much I would love her and her family! I also had the amazing opportunity to be visit taught by my current Bishop's wife Sarah. I knew her before he was bishop so not quite as intimidating but I am so so so thankful for her love and kindness through some really hard times. My mom and dad have been amazing and I love them so much for all of their support and love for me and my little family.

I was introduced about a year ago give or take a few months to two incredible women. They are truly the best friends a girl could ask for. They are so kind and are willing to help out in any way at any time. Where would I be without my two best gal pals? Sadly Andi is moving to North Carolina and I will miss her terribly but she needs to be with her hubby who is deployed there.

 

Luckily Laurie will be here for a while ;) I am so thankful for the women in my life. They are truly an inspiration to me. I am in such a great place in my life and I never want to forget exactly how I feel right now. I am a very lucky woman and need to always remember that!

Snowflake Temple Trip

In a times of craziness and hectic life. I have found a new desire to be at the Temple. Andrew and I were able to go to the Snowflake Temple with my sister Julie and her husband Kent and their oldest son Spencer who just got back from his mission in Chile. What an incredible experience this was for us! I think the last time I was in the Temple with Julie was my wedding and that is just sad! I was so excited to sit by her and then we were asked to be the witness couple. I have never had that experience and it was amazing. I didn't get to sit with Julie but it was very special for Andrew and I. I have a true testimony of Temple work and I am so blessed to be able to participate in Temple work.

 

 

A year ago when Dallin left on his mission we took a picture just like this one so we thought we should get one with Spencer. I swear my kids just love their cousins. Chase couldn't get enough of Spencer! I loved watching them play and just be silly together.

 

 

At one point Spencer and Chase decided Chase could go to the Air Force Academy too. :)

I loved spending time with my sister's family. They are truly amazing people and we love them.

 

 

Answers

For about 7 years I have had what I thought were seizures. I have seen several doctors and each one of them gave me a different diagnosis. This year my hematologist decided she was going to figure it out. She sent me to a neurologist. He came up with nothing so I went back to the hematologist. She sent me to a cardiologist which is where the fun begins...

I found out that I have a genetic mutation which basically means that my body creates blood clots. I am now on blood thinners for the rest of my life and have to take different meds to control it. All of my children have to be tested now to see if they also carry this gene. I have been wearing a heart monitor for the past 3 weeks and have just one more week to go! Hallelujah! I hate this thing. It irritates my skin so badly that I can't wait to have it off. I have now had an EKG, MRI, EEG, and now a heart echo. Hopefully we will get the answers that we need to figure out how to treat me properly. We have had many tears and a few breakdowns but I think we will be ok. I am thankful for Andrew and the strength he gives me to endure these trials. In the meantime we wait. We try to be patient and do everything the doctors say. Hopefully it will all be figured out soon. I have faith that it will.

Girls Weekend @ DISNEYLAND!!

Last weekend I had so much fun! I went to Disneyland with 2 of my closest friends. It was Andi's 25 birthday (I am SOOOOO old!). We went away for the weekend to celebrate. I knew I was way older than all of them but I was so excited to go be just me again for a few days.

On Thursday we drove all day and when we got there checked into our hotel and went to the beach. Andi had 3 other friends with us too so it was 6 women all together and so fun! When we got to the beach Shannon noticed that everyone walking away from the beach was wearing sweaters and here we were in our swimming suits... Not our best idea. It was FREEZING! But so much fun. Andi and Shannon tried to run through the seagulls and tried to watch them scatter. Turns out that seagulls are not afraid of people. HAHAHA! I got into the water only up to my knees. Shannon got totally in and I thought she was going to have a heart attack. When we got back to the hotel we got into the hot tub and Shannon was able to breathe again.

Friday we went to Disneyland. It was so much fun! We rode almost everything there was to ride and hardly had to wait for anything. Apparently the middle of April is a good time to go. Most wait times were under 15 minutes. We ate lunch for Andi's birthday at the Blue Bayou and it was DELISH!!  I am so glad I was able to go and spend this time with Laurie and Andi. We decided it would be fun to ride Splash Mountain and I was a bit uneasy. I ignored that because I have ridden Splash Mountain many times and it has never been a problem. As our log started going I realized why I was uneasy. I was about to have a "seizure" (turns out my "seizures" may actually be TIA's or mini strokes) I started to panic. I told Laurie and linked my arms underneath the handles up to my elbows. The worst of it hit as we went down the BIG drop. I thought I was going to fall out. I was pretty scared. The next thing I know is I was sitting on a planter box waking up. I don't remember getting there. I don't remember getting out of the boat. I don't remember walking out of the ride either. After a bit of a rest I was able to keep riding things and took it a little easier.

On Saturday we went to California Adventure! I had never really been there so it was new and totally exciting! I was too nervous about the day before to ride the Tower of Terror but California Soarin was so awesome! I even loved Screamin but only rode it once. My absolute favorite was the ride in Cars. We got fast passes at 10 in the morning and they weren't usable til 10:20 that night. It was worth the wait! I loved that we all were in one car and it was such a fun surprise. None of us knew that it was actually a roller coaster. The last thing we rode was Tow-Mater. It was so much fun! I was glad I tried it.

Sunday everyone was exhausted and we made our drive back to Arizona. It was a fun trip but I was definitely reminded how old I am. The other girls were so excited to do everything and they didn't seem to tire like I did. It was hard to keep up but it all worked out in the end. I am just glad I went! Thanks Andi for being born! :)

My Kiley "Squeaks" Marie

Kiley is everything I am not. She is so confident and incredible. She loves to perform for people and she has absolutely NO fear! I wish I had some of that in me. She is always looking for a way to go and share her talents.

Last weekend we drove to Tucson. She and her Odyssey of the Mind team qualified for State Tournament. We went just the two of us and had a girls weekend. She was SO excited to go and have some alone time. We went swimming 3 separate times and went to dinner and hung out with her friends by the pool. That night just after we went to bed she got violently ill. She threw up the whole night and by the morning she was exhausted physically and mentally. We had to be at the tournament by 7:30 so we packed up and checked out of the hotel and got there just in time. She was a little weak but she did an amazing job on her play. I am so proud of her for being there for her team even when she was dying. We were at the tournament for 10 hours and finally we just had to go home. I was going on an hour and a half of sleep and had to drive back from Tucson. Kiley was asleep before we even hit the freeway. I was struggling to stay awake and just when it started to get scary my mom happened to call. I made her talk to me the whole rest of the way home so that I could stay awake. It was a blessing that she called at that moment.

I am so proud of Kiley and all that she has done this year in school. She is incredible and talented and I want to be just like her when I grow up!

Experiences

I have had many really amazing experiences going to the Easter Pageant. Each child has had their own special place in my heart. It has been a few years since we have gone to the Easter Pageant and this year we braved the crowds and went. Before it started my kids were going crazy. Chase was running around and I was worried that we were going to wrestle the whole time. As soon as it started Chase sat on my lap and Wyatt sat on the other knee.  Wyatt was so excited! Chase fell asleep about 20 minutes in. Thank goodness! Wyatt was convinced the stage was a TV. He kept asking about the "show" at one point the actor walked out of the "frame" and it freaked Wyatt out. He is so funny! I tried to explain to him that it was a play. When the Last Supper happened all of a sudden Wyatt sat up and said "MOM! THIS really happened!!! He said "that is the Sacrament!!" I love watching this little boy's brain click on. He kept saying "this is in the Scriptures!!"

I am thankful for the opportunity I have to share these wonderful experiences with some pretty amazing kids. They make me happy. I am so privileged to be their mom and I love them with all of my heart and soul.

Great Friends!

Yesterday was my Birthday. I spent the day with Chase and the cuties I babysit. After school the kids sang to me and we played and hung out. At about 6:30 my doorbell went crazy and Chase ran around in circles like a cartoon scared out of his mind. When Kiley answered the door nobody was there. Kiley went to investigate (now that I think about it probably not the safest mom moment ever) and 2 of my best friends ran out to surprise us! They kidnapped me and took me out to dinner while Cole babysat. I called my dad and he was so nice and ran over to make sure they all went to bed. What amazing friends I have that wanted to make sure my birthday curse was broken! I am thankful today for Andi and Laurie and the special women that they are that they took time out to come and make me feel special. And I am so grateful for Laurie's husband Brian who babysat for Laurie and Andie so that they could come surprise me! What a great birthday!!

Am I Really This OLD?

On Monday I will be 36 years old. That is only 4 years from 40!!!  I actually don't feel very old but Cole has a way of dating me. He is 5'2" and he is currently in a man's shoe size 9 1/2. WHAT??? When did he get so big???? I swear it just happened overnight. I am unprepared for this. I am WAY to immature for this :) But whatcha gonna do? Bring it on! 

While I am bragging on Cole he had a drastic improvement on his grades. He went from a F in Reading and Science to a B in reading and an A!!! in Science! Apparently when I went and got him cheap glasses from Target I totally screwed up his eyes. The lenses were making light shatter through his eyes. The Opthomologist was not happy saying it messed up all the vision therapy that we did on Cole's eyes. Luckily we got new glasses and he is back to normal. WHEW!

Kiley also improved and I could not be happier with her desire to learn and do all she can to be involved at school. She is in Orchestra and Class Representative in Student Council. She loves to draw and write and sing. She is also in a creative thinking club called Odyssey of the mind. She loves all of it!

Wyatt is still such a happy wonderful kid. I sometimes worry that he feels left out. Middle kid and all. He is so amazing and mature and so sometimes I forget he is 6 and needs mommy time. We are going on a date tomorrow so hopefully he will feel special. I love this spunky cute boy.

Chase is my little buddy. I talk about him all the time but last night we were snuggling and he looked up at me and said "Mom, you are lovely"  Seriously? What a cool kid. I am a lucky mom!

Love Is In the Air

13 years ago, today, I married my best friend. I have put our story on here many years in a row so I am not going to do that today. I am going to say that I think the past few years have been our very best ever. It is amazing how going through tough times can make or break you. We have been strengthened. We are a stronger couple than we have ever been. We have learned to communicate in ways that most people can't we are TRULY happy. We are in love more today than when we were married. I always thought that was impossible. I heard people say it but turns out it is really true! I am thankful for the hard times. They turned us into what we are now. I am thankful for the good times, they made the hard times bearable. I am so incredibly thankful for an amazing husband who puts our family and the gospel above all other things. I am so blessed and thankful that I can appreciate this about him.

This past weekend we got to take a weekend away, alone. No kids. It was so so so much fun! We haven't done that in so long. It was so nice to be able to remember what it is like just to be us. We were able to focus on each other and being like kids in the snow again. I am thankful for the time we had to relax and be together. No stressing about work or kids or schedules. I am so relaxed and ready for what comes next! 

Happy Anniversary Andrew!

Pressure

I went to the Hematologist and we talked a lot about pressure. The past couple of years I have had what I thought to be seizures. It turns out they might actually be TIA's or mini strokes. YIKES! She grilled me on all of the things that I do during a week and we decided I like to pack in the pressure. Some is self inflicted and some can't be helped. I just really wish I knew where our lives are headed. We are going to lose our house. We have no idea where we will go. We are trying to be ok with it. We love it here. We LOVE our ward and we love our neighbors. We know that wherever we end up we will be just fine. It just is sad. After all that our little family has been through lately I am just truly grateful we have each other. A house is just a thing. Our family is everything. I am thankful that wherever we will be, we will be there together. I just pray we can make the best of it!

Back in Business

Many years ago my dad sold his office complex and retired. This past week dad went back to work and is back at the office after getting it back. I must say it is so much fun to see Chase running around down there and having Cole flashbacks. When Cole was born 11 years ago I took him to work with me every day. He was raised in the office. Brides would come and go and sometimes never even know he was there. He was so content to sit in his playpen and play with toys. I love seeing Chase love the same things as his oldest brother. It is quite the feeling of deja vu.

She Did It!

Kiley ran for School Historian. Not because she wanted to win but because she wanted to be Class Representative and you are eligible if you run for student council. She is SOOOOO excited. She walked into her classroom and there was the coveted purple paper on her desk to let her know she was chosen! She could not be more excited! I am proud of her. She had to give a speech in front of the whole school and she did a fabulous job. I am so amazed at her confidence and spunk! She is definitely a handful but I wouldn't want it any other way. Congratulations Squeaks Marie!

Make a choice!

"What we do with what happens to us is more important than what happens to us. The direction in which we are moving is more important than place or situation. We may have stumbled or been grievously hurt, but we have not fallen if we are willing to get back up." --Elder Marvin J. Ashton 1975

I love this quote! In my life there has been some struggle. I have had to make really really hard choices. Every single day we make choices that affect our entire beings. In these times to we choose to take critisizm and move forward improving ourselves? Or are we offended and go the opposite direction doing just as we were doing?  It can be hard to find out that we aren't perfect and that we need the blessing of the Atonement in our lives. But I can testify with a sincere heart that it is worth it! It is HARD! But so worth it. I am thankful for the teachings I have had in my life that make those little choices easy to make every day. I am thankful for a wonderful family and a great support system of friends and ward members. I am very blessed and I am thankful. More thankful than words can ever express.

Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam!

Chase has to be the smallest Sunbeam I have ever seen! He turned 3 two weeks before the end of the year. All of the other kids are bigger and taller which makes him seem so small! It may be because he is my baby. My last one. But I have to say he is pretty adorable walking into the primary room all ready to go. We have a deal. I stand at the back of the room for the first song and then I leave. If he is good during primary then when we get home he can have a little chocolate milk or a little hot chocolate. He loves this! He comes out so proud and ready for his drink. I am a little sad that he is my last baby. I love babies. I also know that it is time to be done having them but I still miss the infant phase when they just love you. Selfish, I know but I miss it. Lucky for me he is pretty loving and loves to give hugs and kisses and sit on my lap even if it is only for half a second. I'll take what I can get! So, when the primary program comes around this year our little Chasers will be up there singing with his whole heart!

Uncertainty

What do you do when everything you know is up in the air? There are a few things that are true and solid that I never question. First, I know my Savior loves me and my family. HE is aware of my family and our struggles and our triumphs. Second, Andrew and I have built a family of trust and love. Our little family is what we have. It is amazing to have that love of family. But, that being said, I struggle. I struggle knowing where our family needs to be. We are in limbo and I feel like everything is crashing down on me. I know that it will work out and that it will be fine. Somehow. I am just a human though and I feel unsettled. I never get to see Andrew. He is only home on Saturdays and Sundays that are filled with planning and Church. I am trying not to be a whiny baby but I just want to feel like I am where I am supposed to be. I want to be a better mom. I want to play and be carefree. But, I am doing my best. And for now that has to be enough.