Progress

As you can tell I have done A LOT of soul searching lately... I must say, I am very pleased with the progress I have made. I am a lot more grateful for the blessings in my life. I am so much more aware of things I can improve on and I am so thankful for good people in my life. So much of our time is spent taking for granted the little things in our lives. I am thankful and feel lucky to have this time to reflect and learn for myself what I want in my life. I am so thankful for the ups and downs in my life so that now I can realize how good it really can be. I am blessed to have an amazing family and friends that support and love me no matter what :) I am one lucky woman!

Growing Up

In the past few months I have aged at a rapid pace. There are many MANY things I have learned, some of them by force, and most of them by choice. I am so ashamed at my behavior. I have always thought it was good nature and fun to be sarcastic and silly. What if the person on the other end of it didn't think so? What if my actions and "silliness" caused someone else pain? How selfish and rude of me. I have always had a sharp tongue. I have always lashed first before someone could hurt me. I used to think this was part of my "charm." Truth is there is nothing charming about making someone else feel less than amazing and cherished. I am humbled and mortified by my past silliness. I have learned quite a lesson. I love those around me. I WANT them to feel cherished and loved because they are. I apologize to those I have "stung" with my sharp tongue. I am striving to be better and I am thankful for the moments of clarity when I can learn and grow. What a blessing it is that we can constantly learn and become better people.

Dreams

Have you ever had dreams that rock you to the core? I have lately been having these crazy dreams. I keep telling myself they are just dreams and that they are no big deal. Problem is they affect my entire being. I try so hard to not let them but it is so HARD. I feel bad because I feel like they sometimes take over my day or a few days of my life and attitude. What are your thoughts on dreams??

Service

This morning was our turn to help clean the church. I was tired and Andrew had to work today so I thought we might not go. The kids were appalled by this! WHAT? But it's our TURN! How can you deny them the opportunity to serve the church in this capacity? I quickly got up and got ready so that we could go. They LOVED it! They washed all the windows outside and were so proud. I vaccumed and Chase sat in his stroller observing. I must say, I am embarassed by my attitude to just "skip" it. I am so glad that we went and I am so thankful for the examples my kids are to me every day.

Good People

I was invited to a girls night last night called Conference Club. What is Conference Club you ask? Well, it is where they pick a talk from the latest Conference Ensign and they discuss it. I thought sure I'll go see what its all about. I must say it was so nice to be in a room with women who are doing their best to live by their standards. They were an impressive group. I am glad I went. I am glad to realize that in order to have fun we don't have to go out and do dumb things...We can sit and discuss Gospel Principles and be Spiritually Edified! I had fun and I am glad I went. I think it is wonderful to realize that there really are wonderful examples out there. Thanks for letting me crash the party :)

I Love these Kids! I am so lucky to be their mom and be able to see them grow up ito such wonderful people! I am in love!!!

Little Talker

Our sweet Chase has finally found his voice! I swear it is the cutest sweetest sound in the whole world. I love hearing him "practice" his words. It is so much fun. All the other kids were talking way before now but let me tell ya, it was worth the wait! :) He is so much fun and he has the funnest little sense of humor. I am so lucky that I am his mom! He melts my heart!

Boys

Andrew took Cole and Wyatt to Fathers and Sons two weekends in a row. First weekend was our Ward's and then he went with his brother Chris. They LOVED both of them. I worried that it would be weird not knowing any of the kids in Chris' ward but they didn't seem to mind. Chris brought his Father-in-law and Cole loved "Grandpa Frost" They went and GF let Cole use his hatchet and Andrew let him carry a pocket knife. He felt like such a little man. I love it. They loved being outdoors and enjoying the woods. Wyatt kept asking what those funny trees were. Andrew laughed because they are just pine trees :)

Kiley went with the boys to our campout and I got a phone call saying "don't worry she can still see" What????? Apparently there was a beer can buried beneath their fire and it caught fire and exploded onto Kileys face! She had cuts and burns but was a big girl and only cried for a bit. Andrew was scared. He said it looked like in the movies when a bomb goes off and the person's face is black. Her tongue was bleeding too so she was not happy. She had pieces of can in her chin and forehead. Andrew got them out and played doctor and got her all fixed up. I am so thankful that he was trained in first aid! Now they are all home safe and sound and still a little exhausted :) Good times. Good times indeed.

Sicky's

Yesterday I noticed that Chase was getting more lethargic and cranky so after I picked up the kids from school I took him to Urgent Care. The PA there looked in each ear like three times. He said "well, looks good to me. But could turn into pnumonia or menengitis" WHAT? We left there with no meds because he didn't want to treat what he couldn't see.

This morning I took him to our pediatrician. On my way there Wyatt had a coughing fit so I thought why not get them both checked? So I did. Turns out that Chase has a pretty bad ear infection that is making him throw up and miserable. Wyatt has a sinus infection that has been there for a long time. Why oh why do I never think that Wyatt may be sick? He has been extra crabby which I thought was just because he is 4 and that is what 4 year old stinker boys are like. Turns out he has been miserable and bearing with it. I love these boys. I feel bad I didn't catch it sooner but I am so glad that I can get them better in a few days.

Why?

Why am I having a hard time? I have an amazing family. I have a loving husband who is doing everything in his power to make things better for me. I have fantastic kids who try to do the right things every single day. Of course they aren't perfect but they truly try. Why do I still feel sad? Why do I still get mad? I try to do all the things that are supposed to make you happy. I have been having Family Home Evening. I have been reading my scriptures every day and praying. I am pretty sure that it helps but it isn't a cure all. I am working on it though. It is getting better I think. I just need to work harder. I am thankful for my family that helps me and does what they can to help.

Remember When?

Remember when I was energetic and fun? I want to be that way again. I feel this dark cloud looming over me. I don't like it. I have tried to get over it. I wish I could just stay in bed and deal with it later. I am so tired. I am sorry I am a whiner. The end.

Motherhood

I have been thinking about my role as a mother a lot lately. Sometimes it makes me so happy and sometimes it freaks me out! I am responsible for teaching these special sweet perfect spirits how to become respectable, respectful and kind people. I love them with all my heart. They are my reason for waking up in the morning even when it seems impossible. My anemia has gotten the best of me again :( I love how helpful and kind Cole is. He does all he can to help and I love him for it. Kiley is so sweet. She has a story for any given moment. She can either drive me crazy or make my day. I love my Squeaker Pie. Wyatt is the life of the party. He is so much fun and he loves to be "tricky" He is constantly trying to trick or negotiate what he wants. He can hit, catch or kick anything you throw at him. Chase is my sweety. He makes our family complete. His smile melts my heart. He knows just when to pull the Mommy card. I love that he is finding his voice. He has such a cute sense of humor and understands EVERYTHING around him.

How did I get so lucky? How did I deserve such an amazing husband and kids? I feel amazed that I am able to be with them everyday. I love them more and more every single day. They make my life complete. Times are hard. They are great. I am thankful for the bright spot they are in my life. I am doing everything in my power to not let the "dark" days take me over. I pray for help everyday. I am thankful and feel blessed.

Proud Mom Moments

When I was talking to Cole about the teacher teasing him and that I was going to the school he asked me to let him try to handle it first. I of course wanted to barge in there and take some names but he wanted a chance. YEA! He is growing up. He went to the teacher and took him aside and asked him to quit calling him names. He told the teacher that the kids are also calling him the names and that it was really bothering him. The teacher apologized and said he would talk to the kids. Cole felt so good. He told me he is like a grown up. I laughed because most grown ups I know would have yelled and made a fool of themselves :) But I couldn't be more proud of my little man.

Lucky Duck

I feel so lucky today. My wonderful, amazing and loving husband took all four kids grocery shopping with him today so that I could have a break. It has been a hard day and he knew I would really appreciate the quiet for a moment. Chase had a hard day today. He pushed against the table and knocked the chair over on himself. He had a huge lump on the back of his head. Since then he has been fussy, of course and it has been one of those save me days! I love Andrew. I love that he knows me well enough to know that I would love for him to take them. What a kind, selfless thing for him to do. I feel so blessed!