Remember when I was energetic and fun? I want to be that way again. I feel this dark cloud looming over me. I don't like it. I have tried to get over it. I wish I could just stay in bed and deal with it later. I am so tired. I am sorry I am a whiner. The end.
Summer
7 years ago
2 comments:
:) I think we should be next door neighbors. we'd have so much fun! Can't wait until next week! NO SCHOOL What are we gonna do?!?! I'll huff ans puff and blow your black cloud away :) Love ya, sis! I'll let you know when I'm done with finals and the fun can begin.
I say this with love (you don't know me) but I know andrew (hence why i read your blog).
You've been off your antidepressants now for five months (approximately). Your big black rain cloud is back (put scary music here).
There are a LOT of companies that will GIVE you meds. Even your doctor will have samples. "patient assistance plans" is what they are usually called.
Medication may not be the answer. I'm of the PERSONAL opinion that some of us (me!) need meds AND therapy... even if it's to whine and vent etc. a third party who won't think badly of me.
I just got out of the psych unit (crazy bin!) when *my* rain cloud struck me with lightening and I was too tired to try to get away from it. There were SO many moms there who were simply burnt out.
Depression is either chemical or situational. I'm not a professional. But yours sounds chemical. No amount of prayers, blessings, going to the temple, going to church, having FHE, will change your chemicals in your head. trust me. I tried. You had your cute baby and that changes your body and chemical make up every time.
For yourself... and andrew and your kids, will you PLEASE go to a doctor? If you're depressed enough to be contimplating hurting yourself (or others) go to the hospital for a ... uh "vacation". (they make all your meals and snacks AND clean up!) Andrew, your families, and your ward will take care of your family. You need to let people help you. You're not super woman I don't think. :)
I'm not making assumptions. I don't know how "bad" you are. I just know when I read my blog I say things a certain way when I get very very very bad mentally. You do it very similarly. When I'm ok my blog is different. When I'm not... yeah.
Again.... I have never met you. I probably never will. You're andrews wife so that makes me worry about you because I see bits of me in you.
If you EVER need a nonjudgemental empathetic ear (and one that won't tell a soul, including your hubby) you can call or text me any time. 321-338-0497. My name is Melissa. Drew calls me "lys" or "lyssa"
please forgive any spelling errors. :) I didn't sleep much!
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