Teasing

I was just talking to my friend Sarah today about the terrible problem of teasing and bullying. When I went to pick up my kids I found out that one of the offenders is a teacher! Why oh why must teachers add to the problem? If you are a teacher and you are reading this please oh please don't call children names! It escallates on the playground and makes children feel unsafe and small! I am so angry and sad and I don't know what else. I need my kids to feel respected and heard. It will not and cannot be tolerated in our school system!

Am I Crazy?

I stopped taking my medication in January when I discovered it makes me feel and act like a different person. I was on them for depression so I was a little nervous about going cold turkey. When Andrew lost his job we also lost our insurance so it was time to stop them. I had a blessing and I knew it was going to be hard but it was a good decision. I must say, I am glad that I stopped but sometimes I think I am crazy. I have such a short fuse these days. I have no idea what triggers it or why but I can flip so fast. I am doing my best to try to figure it out. I have discovered that listening to church music can greatly affect my attitude. When I start to feel my anger being stirred up if I turn on a church CD I find that I can work my way out of it. I just hope I can get out of it all the way. I am just happy that I have figured that much out.

Value of Family

I have talked about reevaluating my values lately and I have come to realize how off I have been. I have been in the past so focused on having fun and what I can do to be entertained. In my soul searching I have discovered how fun and entertaining my family is. This past weekend we spent a lot of time just together as us. We took the kids to the park and we played baseball. I had no idea what great little players I have! Cole hit the ball straight at Wyatt and Wyatt caught the ball! I don't know who was more suprised, Wyatt or me? It was so cute he was jumping around so proud of his big bad self. Kiley hit a few balls and showed great potential. Wyatt hit the ball and loved every second of it. It was interesting to see the difference in Andrew and I. He is concerned with technique. He wanted to go step by step. I on the other hand prefer to see natural ability and then teach what was lacking in that ability. It was fun to see them improve and enjoy themselves. Such a great time. I am thankful for recent challenges that have forced me to reevaluate my life. What an absolute blessing it has been for me and my children. I am thankful for growth and for a new found freedom and happiness.

Music

I forget how music speaks to me. I was lucky enough to have gone to a little casual performance that my friend Jenny McKinney put on last night. Her music is clearly inspired and you couldn't help but feel the spirit in the room as she shared the stories behind each one. She truly has a gift. I loved all of her songs but there were a few that really spoke to my heart. I want to learn her music. I loved hearing them but I think being able to sing them would really be awesome. What a special gift to be able to put your feelings into music and heal in that capacity. I am in awe of her and feel blessed to have been there and to know her :) I was also amazed at her ability to speak to my Kiley. She has had a really hard time with the death of her friend and one of the songs Jenny sang last night was for her friend that she lost many years ago. Kiley just soaked it all in. After the concert was over she asked if she could go talk to Jenny about Ethan. When we got home she hugged me and told me that her heart felt peace finally. Thank you Jenny for helping my little family without even knowing it!

Strength

I have always considered myself a strong person. I felt invincible like I was out to help the world. Last night I had an epiphany. Just because I FEEL strong doesn't mean I should put myself in the position to test it. Half of one's strength comes from knowing to stay away from things that are wrong. It doesn't mean we can't build one another up and try to be good examples. Sometimes though the example needs to be that we don't even entertain the idea. There is right and there is wrong. It sounds so simple. Why is it so hard? I love this new found rejuvination. I AM strong. I no longer need to prove it :) I will be the person I know I have always been. I only need to fit in with The Savior. Not the world. I am so blessed to have this KNOWLEDGE for myself. I am thankful for challenges and hope to never need them again!

Bunco Buddies

Bunco was so much fun last night. Our friend Lani didn't show up. We decided she needed a little pick me up so we tp'd her house. Her husband came out and caught us. Of course he did it was 9:30 at night and all the doors and windows were open. He came to take out the trash. He laughed and said "I'm not cleaning this up!" What a good sport ;) We had so much fun laughing and being obnoxiously loud and crazy. I am so glad that Tera made sure I went. It was too fun!

Lessons RE Learned

For those who know me, you know I love to be on the go. I don't usually like to be just home and not doing anything. I like to be with people. Talking to people. I have spent so much time away from my home that it has been neglected. Not anymore! I have re learned an important lesson. It is funny how priorities change. Sometimes for bad but sometimes for good. I have been going through a change in life. I have re evaluated my priorities and guess what? I LOVE being in my home! I love cleaning my house and making it nice and orderly. I love to read past Ensign's and re learn the messages that I have forgotten. I haven't had the Ensign in my home because I forget to reorder and when I remember I don't have the money. My mom bought me a few past issues and I sat down with the November 2010 issue with the conference talks. I don't know where I was when I heard these talks but now I can't put it down. I love reading it. Marking it. Trying to apply each talk to me! What a fantastic blessing in my life. I am so thankful for these simple teachings that can help me Re Evaluate my life!!

Tenderness

My sweet little Kiley is tender in her heart. The new kid in her class was insensitive and said that he was lucky a kid died so he could get his spot in school. Kiley came home in tears. She was so upset by this. She couldn't get to sleep. Her teacher gave them all a postcard with several pictures of Ethan on it. I let her take it to her bedroom thinking she would put it next to her bed but no, she slept clutching onto it. I feel so bad for her. We have spent hours and hours talking about the fact that Ethan is in Heaven With Our Father In Heaven. He is happy and he feels no more pain. I try to get her to remember him happy and silly but she has such a hard time. Any suggestions???

This special little boy inspires me. He makes me NEED to be a better person. He needs me to be his mom and to teach him the correct way to be a man. I love him and I LOVE Love love that he prays with me and the kids. I am one lucky mama ;)

Lessons

I loved listening to Conference this weekend. It was as if the leaders of The Church were speaking to me. I felt such an amazing spirit in our home. It was the first time that our kids actually sat still and listened. I will admit Chase was in bed but all of the others were awake, in the room, and quiet. HOW did it happen? I have no idea. They were impressed by it too. Kiley was in awe as the Prophet got up to speak. I was inspired to be a better person. I loved the talk about what we do isn't necessarily who we are. It doesn't define us. I am a Daughter of God. He loves me. He knows me. He guides me and through Him I can handle lifes challenges. What a great reminder! I have been struggling with forgiveness. That was another talk that I felt was really directed at me. Forgive others, forgive yourself. I am working on it. I really am. I am just glad to know that I am on the right path. I am doing all that I can do and it will make me so much stronger. I am so happy to have my family that love and support me through anything. They are truly wonderful and I am blessed to have these people in my life!