Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam!

Chase has to be the smallest Sunbeam I have ever seen! He turned 3 two weeks before the end of the year. All of the other kids are bigger and taller which makes him seem so small! It may be because he is my baby. My last one. But I have to say he is pretty adorable walking into the primary room all ready to go. We have a deal. I stand at the back of the room for the first song and then I leave. If he is good during primary then when we get home he can have a little chocolate milk or a little hot chocolate. He loves this! He comes out so proud and ready for his drink. I am a little sad that he is my last baby. I love babies. I also know that it is time to be done having them but I still miss the infant phase when they just love you. Selfish, I know but I miss it. Lucky for me he is pretty loving and loves to give hugs and kisses and sit on my lap even if it is only for half a second. I'll take what I can get! So, when the primary program comes around this year our little Chasers will be up there singing with his whole heart!

Uncertainty

What do you do when everything you know is up in the air? There are a few things that are true and solid that I never question. First, I know my Savior loves me and my family. HE is aware of my family and our struggles and our triumphs. Second, Andrew and I have built a family of trust and love. Our little family is what we have. It is amazing to have that love of family. But, that being said, I struggle. I struggle knowing where our family needs to be. We are in limbo and I feel like everything is crashing down on me. I know that it will work out and that it will be fine. Somehow. I am just a human though and I feel unsettled. I never get to see Andrew. He is only home on Saturdays and Sundays that are filled with planning and Church. I am trying not to be a whiny baby but I just want to feel like I am where I am supposed to be. I want to be a better mom. I want to play and be carefree. But, I am doing my best. And for now that has to be enough.

Chase is Growing up!

On Sunday Chase decided he needed to look extra special for church. He snuck into our bathroom and was in there for a little while. I called to him and told him to get dressed. He came out of my bathroom with his lips pursed together. When I turned around he opened his mouth and blood was dripping from his lip. It was everywhere! When I asked what happened he just looked at me so seriously and calmly and said "Look mom! I shaved!" After applying pressure on his mouth for a while we had a discussion with all of the kids about the dangers of shaving. Even after all of that we made it to church on time. Needless to say, I am hoping that he will give up shaving and go back to my baby boy! :)

Sweetness

Tonight I sat and watched my kids play. I turned off the tv. I turned off the phone and just watched them. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen. Cole and Kiley were at the table teaching Wyatt how to play Killer UNO. When Wyatt won everyone cheered and were happy for his good fortune. I am so happy to have a glimpse into true family happiness and love. These kids love each other! They don't show it all of the time but they really do.

Then as we were getting ready to say our family prayers we asked Kiley to say it... She prayed for her brothers and her "wonderful parents" her words not mine. I listened to this amazing 9 year old girl pray for thanks for the birth of her Savior. She was thankful for the wonderful gift of having her family together and happy. She didn't pray for things. She didn't focus on what so many people focus on this time of year. She is truly thankful for the Spirit of the Season! I am thankful for this night. For being able to witness true joy in the family and a sweet and caring moment between the children. It is a wonderful feeling like I might not be screwing them up like I thought I was...

Just What I Wanted for Christmas

I mentioned before that we were all sick but I didn't realize just how sick we all were.... Wyatt has a double ear infection and major congestion that is clogging him all up. Chase has croup and is truly miserable. He would collapse onto the ground as I would set him down so I took him to an after hours clinic. That boy has snuggled me for the past 4 days. Totally unlike him. Yesterday I felt like I had been hit by a bus and my chest hurt so bad so I went to the dr. I have a double ear infection and pneumonia. Awesome. Just what I wanted for Christmas. So, if you don't hear from us for a bit we aren't avoiding people. We are trying to keep our lovely sickness isolated to this house. While it is the season for sharing, I am sure you will appreciate that we don't share this!

Happy 3rd Birthday Chase!!

Today my baby is 3! I cannot believe it! I swear he was just born. He is so much fun! He has been so sick lately and when I tell him I am sorry you are sick he says "MOM it's not your fault!" I swear this kid is growing up faster than the others did. He is so much fun. I love being able to be home with him. He is very independent but he will randomly come and hug me and tell me he loves me. I love that! It truly is my favorite thing. He is so loving and sweet and he is totally hilarious! He loves to tease and play.

Here are 3 things I adore about Chase.

1. He has the greatest smile. He loves to laugh and play and is just pure joy!

2. He is so silly. He loves to tease me and have fun. He calls grandpa and grandma everyday and always wants to go play with his "best friend" (grandpa)

3. He is so smart! He knows things that amaze me. The other day the kids were teasing in the back of the car and it had gone too far and Chase said "Would Jesus like that? I don't think so!"  He is so adorable.

I am thankful that the baby of our family has made our family complete. We all love and adore him. He definitely has us wrapped around his little finger. He is so much fun and I am so blessed to be his mom.

Christmas Sickies

Every year at this time we are cursed with the sickness that always seems to come this time of year. This week has been very hard. Andrew and I sang with the ward choir on Sunday. It was a French Carol and I had to sing the first verse in french as a solo. I have been battling a cough for weeks but I have been able to hold it off for a while. I just had to get through the Stake Choir Fireside. I was praying and praying that I could get through it. I can testify to you that the Lord hears our prayers. I sang the solo, finished the song and walked out and lost my voice. The solo wasn't as clear as I wanted it to be because I was fighting a cough but I got through it. WHEW!

In the middle of the night Sunday night Chase was crying and he was burning up! I put him in bed with me and we were able to get a few hours sleep. During the day he was lethargic but that evening he truly scared me. When I would put him on his feet he would just crumple down and cry. He wanted to be held constantly. That isn't MY Chase. He is independent and won't ever let me hold him. He could barely hold up his head. I was talking to my friend that I babysit for and she sent her husband over to come give Chase a blessing. After they left he was so whiny that I took him to an after hours clinic. He has croup and probably a cold or something. He looks terrible! His eyes sunk in and they have dark rings around them. He definitely is not feeling well. We are on day two and still going strong. :(  Wyatt has this terrible barking cough that after hours scared me into thinking it was whooping cough.  I took him in this morning and he has a double ear infection and LOTS of congestion. I feel like my house is a germ infested zone and all who enter will be infected.  I am not feeling great and am missing scouts tonight to take care of my family. With Andrew constantly at work I am on my own. Luckily I have some fantastic friends who help out and are so good to us. Where would we be without the gospel and our families? I am so thankful for them and all they do. 

Dear Germs,
Please leave my family alone.
Thanks, Jenny!