Changes

I recently stopped taking my medication in hopes that I can "feel" again. I really feel like they alter my perception and prevent me from feeling the full effect of my decisions. In doing so I feel like I have been hit by a truck of emotions. I am also more aware of stupid choices I make. They can be small and yet have big affects. I am trying. I am growing but the process seems so slow. I wish I could just hide and come out when I am ready. I am constantly embarassing myself by doing dumb things. I wish I could redo a ton of things. I am going to take some time to isolate myself for a while and only do things that I Have to do. I need time to reflect. I need time to figure things out. If I have offended you, I apologize.

Good Friends

I am thankful today for good friends. I have been blessed with some really great people in my life. I love that my parents are some of my closest friends. They do so much to ease my pain and lift my spirits. I am thankful for their love and acceptance. I also have a group of girlfriends that are willing to listen to me whine and are always accepting and give good advice. There is one in particular that I find truly a kindred spirit. When I have a rough day she can always find a quote or a conference talk to fit my day PeRfEcTlY! She is truly inspired. What would I do without her? She knows who she is and she is wonderful. She is forgiving and accepting and willing to put up with all my dillusional breaks ;)

I was going through my scriptures and in college I went to institute and there were always quotes up on the board so I started writing them in the cover of my scriptures. I found one that I found especially inspirational at thist time...

"A friend is someone who when you make a mistake, doesn't think you've done a permanent job!"

I feel blessed to have people like this in my life. I am also so thankful for a forgiving and amazing husband who stands by me. He is truly my everything! I am so Blessed to have him in my life. I am amazed by him every day. I wish I could find a way to show him how amazing I think he is but for now this will have to do. I am thankful for 4 amazing wonderful children. They make my life full and complete. I don't know how I deserve them but they make me smile, laugh, cry and sometimes CrAzY! How lucky am I????

What are you thankful for???

Wyatt is growing up :*

My Wyatt is one of the coolest kids I know! Today said my favorite Wyattism yet! He looked right at me and said "Mom, I am going to make my own sammich, not because you aren't good enough but because I gotta grow up sometime!"

When did my little boy turn into a little man? Who am I kidding? He has always been a little man :) He has always been amazing to me and to everyone who knows him. I just am sad that he is getting so big. He is almost 5 and he is in the 3rd percentile for height. I knew he was tiny but who knew he was that small. He has this amazing ability for anything athletic. He can shoot a basket in a grown up basketball hoop, he can ride a bike since he was three on a two wheeled bike, he can do anything he sets his little heart on. For Christmas we got a trampoline. I showed the kids how to do a front flip and a front handspring. Wyatt turned right around and can do both. I am amazed at his agility. I wish I had even a fraction of it.

I am so lucky to be a mother to wonderful children. I am thankful that I have the chance to be a part of their lives.

Priorities

I know my posts have been somewhat cryptic lately but I have come to learn some valuable lessons. Today was an especially hard day for me. I have so many regrets and I am extremely angry at myself. I know how I want to live my life. Why do I feel like the adversary is trying to pull me down at all times. Just when I feel like I am making progress I get another shove. I was talking to a friend and she shared that when I feel this way I should give service. She is RIGHT! It doesn't even have to be something huge. Get out there and make someone smile. It will do wonders for your disposition! These are the things I am CHOOSING to make my priorities:

1. My Family: I will be there for them at all times no matter what is going on around me. MY children need me to be there for them! Andrew needs me to be the wife and mother that I have always been in the past!
2. The Church: I will be fully involved in all church activities! I will do my best to take full advantage of the blessing the Gospel is in my life.
3. Education: I am going to try to learn something new every day. I need to further my knowledge on anything I can to broaden my horizons.
4. Friendships: I am going to harbor good friendships with people who build me up and make me see the good in myself and others around me. I have been such a negative person lately and that has Changed! I am happy to be here. I am happy to love my family. I am happy to be happy!

The atonement is real. I am not done yet. Far from it. BUT I know it applies to me! I will take every opportunity I have to make things right. I am so thankful for the knowledge that I have of the truthfulness of the Gospel.

Lessons Learned

While going through trials you have to make a choice. You can either choose to let it eat you alive or you can choose to take control of your life and change. I choose CHANGE! I commit to doing what I know is right. I am a strong person who knows what is right and what is wrong. I will make better decisions about my life and go full steam ahead. I choose to choose the right. I choose to follow Christ's example. I choose to love my family. I choose to be a wife and mother. I am a Daughter of My Heavenly Father. I will make him happy with my decisions from here on. I will not let my past decisions get me down. I am stronger than that. I love my family. I love the Gospel and I love that I KNOW those things!

The Most Humbling Christmas EVER!

This Christmas was one of the best of our lives. Andrew lost his job a month before Christmas and I was sad that I wasn't going to be able to give my children what they wanted for Christmas. I was honest with the kids and told them that this Christmas was going to be slim this year. We tried really hard to focus on the Spirit of Christmas. We went to the Temple Lights and had many talks about our Savior.

We had some amazing friends who helped us with Christmas. They helped us get the kids a trampoline and for that we will be eternally grateful! It was definately a hit with the kids. They LOVE it! Also we had some secret santas. One of the wonderful ladies that I visit teach snuck into my house while we were out and left presents for everyone underneath our tree. When I walked into our house on Christmas Eve I just started bawling. What a special gift of love. I was so humbled by love for our little family. These special people showed that you can love others enough to share at such a hard time of the year. My parents helped us top it off and Christmas was a hit! I have never felt such love and friendship. I am eternally grateful to these wonderful people who do all they can for us and go the extra mile. I hope to be able to do this someday for someone else. It is hard to describe the feeling.

I am thankful for this life lesson and Christmas Miracle :). I am so thankful for my family that we are healthy for the most part and that we can love each other and do all we can. I am thankful for this experience and LOVE these special women in my life!

Career or No Career

We had quite a blow last week as Andrew went to work on Monday. UOP has had rumors of possible layoffs and they were told to ignore the gossip. Turns out that it was right and our family has been affected by it. Andrew was laid off on Monday. They didn't allow him to even pack up his things :( When he called me I thought he was kidding. Who lays people off a month before Christmas? I got my answer.

Through Facebook we were able to hear about a job doing telemarketing. Andrew can be quite the salesman so he went and interviewed with my friend's husband. He started working there on Monday. The job is not a career job but it is going to get us by for a little while. There is great potential with the company and we feel good about it. I however, have never been known for my patience so this will be a giant test for me :) I too am looking for a job and hope to find something soon.

During the Christmas season it is hard to put our troubles behind us and focus on the spirit of Christmas. Tonight I am grateful for friends who care enough about us to make sure we are ok. Whether it be through facebook, phone calls or brining us Ice Cream late at night and listening to us whine. I love you for your kindness and I especially love you for loving my family! You know who you are and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.