Moving On

I am at a point in my life where I am ready to move on. I have always lived in the same place and been friends with the same type of people. I am ready to broaden my horizons and become a new me. I need an overhaul! I tried to dye my hair...Yeah, when you have it black and try to dye it red= Black hair with red roots :) Hilarious and yet fine. I cut it off. Great. Now I need a big change. I need to get out of my woe is me attitude and become the person I know I can be. the person who is kind and loving. The person that is happy and bubbly and doesn't take crap from others! I am the master of my destiny. From this day on I am going to be the woman that I know I want to be! Just thought I'd warn ya ;)

11 Wonderful Years

Tomorrow Andrew and I will be celebrating our 11th Anniversary. I feel closer than ever to this wonderful man. I am so thankful for a husband who is my best friend and confidant. He is fantastic! Here are 11 wonderful things that we have been through together.
1. Our wedding...It was the best party in town! I remember the reception like it was yesterday. I had so much fun!
2. Our first apartment...we lived in Farmstead Apartments. Our first apartment was more like a closet. It was 435 square feet of bliss.
3. Cole...the birth of our first child. One of the happiest days of my life.
4. Buying our first townhome. A place to call our own for a while.
5. Kiley...the birth of our second child and only girl ;)
6. Andrew switches careers by getting a job at The University of Phoenix.
7. Still in school...
8. Wyatt...our third child and one of the best sportsmen I know.
9. Buying our first HOME. We have moved so many times that it is fantastic to have a place to stay for a while.
10. Chase...the birth of our last baby. He is a joy and such a sweet and happy person.
11. Andrew graduated! And we are persuing other possibilities for employement thanks to UOP :) We are excited to see where it will lead.

Through love and forgiveness I am able to say that I have been truly blessed with an amazing husband who is my forever best friend. I would be nothing without him and our little family :)

When it Rains it POURS

I have been trying so hard to have a good attitude. It is hard! Yesterday I was feeling okay and when I got home I walked in to a flood in the kitchen. I was not happy at all! WHY? Why now? I was not pleased and very frustrated. Andrew found out that the hose connecting the washer to the wall is broken. We are not good with fixing these types of things so Andrew just turned the water off to the washer. I just hope it goes up from here.

I've been Inspired

I am going to tell on my sister for a bit. Hopefully she won't mind or get embarassed...something tells me she won't ;) So my sister Shellee has been inspirational to me lately. This is one tough yet truly loving chick! She has a beautiful little miracle named Olivia who is gorgeous and has Spina Bifida. This past week Olivia had shunt failure and Shellee had to rush her into the hospital and have surgery to alleviate the pressure on her brain. I, would have fallen apart, Shellee grabs the bull by the horns and does what needs to be done. She is brave and always looks at the bright side. I have started calling her Pollyanna. I think it is fitting and hilarious.... She has this spiritual side to her that I don't know if it is new or if I was to dumb to notice before. She truly is amazing though. I am proud to call her my sister and I hope that IF I grow up I can be just like her. Thanks Shellee for being my inspiration :)

Timing is Funny

It is amazing to me how timing is everything. I have found lately that there are people put in your life just as you need them to be there. I am so very grateful and blessed to have such people in my life. I am writing this down so I can come back and remember it when I need it. :)

Sometimes I find myself so angry and the next minute so sad. Yesterday Cole came home from school and he seemed totally fine. When Andrew got home from work Cole broke down and told him how kids can be so mean to him at school. The kids on the playground call him stupid and tell him he is a nerd. I feel terrible that I have been so unapproachable that he wouldn't come to me with this. I sat and listened to him cry. I realized how very alike we are. We had a chat just him and I and we came to some conclusions...

1. NOBODY can make us feel what we won't allow them to. Just because people tear us down to make us feel like nothing doesn't mean that it is true. WE can CHOOSE how we react to these mean people. The funny thing was I was listening to myself tell this to Cole and that is when it hit me that I do it too. Probably more than him!
2. Nerds own everything! I hope he is a nerd. This mama wants to get paid! :) He is so smart. He is so thoughtful and He takes care of everyone around here. Who would be mean to this sweet tender spirit??? He is amazing to me and I am dumbfounded by kids. And yet it is to be expected. Someday these kids will realize how lucky they were to have known Cole. He can make me laugh, cry in a good way and he makes sure that I am happy.

I am so thankful to have my family. I am constantly amazed by their sweetness and how much they care for each other. How did I get so lucky???

Valentines Day

This Valentines Day is going to be very creative. Wyatt wanted to take treats to his class. I can't afford to buy anything so this morning we spent an hour tying balloons and making swords for everyone in his class. He couldn't be more pleased. I am so happy because it is all I've got ;) He has a way of making things feel special. He told me I am the best mom EVAHHHHHH! I love him. We even made one for Chase who feels very special to have one.

Andrew left me a balloon flower with a note written on the stem. I love him and the way he makes me feel like everything will be ok. Last night he did the dishes, he rubbed my feet and he did the laundry. He is incredible and I am thankful that he is in my life. He makes everything seem better. I am grateful to have such an amazing husband. How lucky am I???

Changes

I recently stopped taking my medication in hopes that I can "feel" again. I really feel like they alter my perception and prevent me from feeling the full effect of my decisions. In doing so I feel like I have been hit by a truck of emotions. I am also more aware of stupid choices I make. They can be small and yet have big affects. I am trying. I am growing but the process seems so slow. I wish I could just hide and come out when I am ready. I am constantly embarassing myself by doing dumb things. I wish I could redo a ton of things. I am going to take some time to isolate myself for a while and only do things that I Have to do. I need time to reflect. I need time to figure things out. If I have offended you, I apologize.