Pooped

I am seriously tired. I am so happy that I am not depressed anymore or I wouldn't be able to get out of bed. I am so vitamin deficient that it is difficult to get through the day. Now Chase is so much more active. He gets into EVERYTHING and I am just plain pooped out. I hope my body will start regulating these things better soon so that I can enjoy him small. It is hard knowing he is my last baby. I love him so much but he is CrAzY! LOL

Its a New Day

The past two weeks with Women's Conference and General Conference leave me feeling edified. I am SO thankful that we get to experience such an abundance of love from the Leaders of our Church. I feel like my entire being has been filled and I FEEL loved. I KNOW that the Lord is aware of me and my struggles. I KNOW that He is the one who carried me through them. I am so Thankful for that. How blessed are we to have this all encompassing love in our lives? I am truly thankful and truly happy. I am going to make every effort to make sure this feeling lasts!

Happy Birthday!

Today the Love of My Live turns 34. I am so thankful for him and am amazed by him every single day. He is wonderful and I am so blessed to have him in my Life! I would list all of the things I love about him but there are too many to count. I am so lucky to have met him and I get to KEEP him!!! Yay for me! I'm the winner! :)

What a Weekend!

I had such a great weekend! I LOVED the General Relief Society Meeting! I loved going with my mom and my sister Shellee and our good friend Stephanie. I loved President Uchtdorf's talk about Forget Me Nots. I went to the meeting feeling so low! I had had a terrible weekend. Our Suburban needs to be fixed and it is going to cost over $1,000. So I was pretty down. Then right before we went Chase grabbed Wyatts glasses and broke them! I was so discouraged! I went to the meeting seeking solace and refuge from my troubles. It totally worked! I was praying that I would feel spiritually fed. I feel like the meeting was intended for me! It was incredible. I grabbed my mom's notebook and ripped out pages so that I could take notes. I just cannot wait for Conference now. I want to record a quote that really hit home for me from Sylvia Allred

"Charity is having patience for people who have let us down"

I truly felt the importance of this message. I have definately been let down by people I loved. BUT I have also let many others down. The one good thing is how strong I have become. A few months ago this quote would have made me feel terrible. Right now this makes me realize how wonderful the Gospel is! How blessed I am to have this feeling. I feel peace and more importantly LOVED! I still have my days but I am so happy to know these truths!

Another quote this one from Elder Uchtdorf that really hit me was

"No matter how dark the days may seem. He loves you with an infinate Love."

We are not forgotten. We are constantly being loved and rooted for. He wants all his children to return again. What an incredible feeling!

"The Love of the Savior is redemptive of your shortcomings!"

I will forever be thankful that I went to the meeting. I needed to record the feelings that I felt that night.

On Sunday we had our Primary Program and it was Incredible! I was crying all through Scripture Power which really suprised me. I have heard that song SO many times. It has never touched me like yesterday though. To see all these beautiful young children raising their scriptures as one. They LOVE the scriptures. They are the future. And they are so strong and so faithful! I am so lucky to have three of those primary kids as my own. I loved watching it. It was the first time in 16 years that I was able to watch it. I have always been a teacher. I loved being able to listen to the spirit there. I loved this weekend. I want to bottle it up and keep it forever!

Toothless Wonder!

My poor sweet little Wyatt had to have surgery this morning on his mouth. They told me he needed a root canal but when they tried to do x-ray's last week his mouth was too small to get a good picture. This morning we went and he went under anesthesia and they redid the x-ray. He ended up with 3 root canals, 4 fillings and they had to pull his front tooth.

He did so good! He was so hilarious though. When we were sitting there waiting for his anesthesia to kick in he was hilarious. He kept saying "hey mom remember my brother? Whats his name?" I would say it is Cole and he said "oh yeah thats right!" When I asked what he wanted to say about Cole he said "thats it. He's Cole!" :) It was like he was drunk. He kept trying to stand up and then he would fall over. When he looked up on the wall he saw a picture and he said "OH a BED!" He was so cute and so small. It really makes you realize how fragile and little they really are. I am so glad that everything went well. He will feel so much better when the soreness is gone.

When Will it End?

I am getting so tired of being depressed. I can be having the best day and suddenly WHAM! I am in the saddest mood. I am sure it totally affects my kids. They are all having a hard time right now. I am pretty positive it is my fault. How can you feel secure when your mom is so up and down? I wish I knew what to do. I am not ok with taking meds anymore. I don't like what they do to my brain. I try to give service, maybe I need to give more. I just can't get out of it. I wish there was a way to just get better. I try so hard especially in front of the kids. The other day I realized that my sudden recluse behavior has caused my kids to lose most of their friends. They want to go play and have fun but with who? I feel so bad, all the time. I just wish everything would be ok.

Thankful Heart

Today I am so incredibly thankful for Andrew. He is my rock, my friend, my sounding board, and my everything. He is willing to help even when he doesn't feel well. On Saturday I felt so sick! Andrew let me sleep all afternoon while he cleaned out the kitchen cabinets and cleaned the stove and oven and pulled it out and cleaned everything. I was dreading this job! I felt so loved when he did it while I was asleep. The kids were so helpful and together they got the job done. On Sunday Chase got sick and threw up all over me! Andrew is so good to help with the kids when they don't feel good. He is our in house doctor :)

Today he took Cole, Kiley and Wyatt to the dollar movie so that they could have fun today for the holiday. I love that he tries to be involved with them and all that is going on in their lives. He is such a good dad. He is such a good example to them and I am thankful he has chosen to be with me. Even when I am crazy and he has to help pick up the pieces. He is amazing. I love him and can't believe I get to be together forever. How lucky am I?