Some days I feel like life is perfect. I have a fantastic husband who is my equal in every way. Actually he is better but who's counting? I have four beautiful healthy children and we have jobs. What could be wrong?
Other days I feel like my world is crashing down on me and I am suffocating. I don't know what to do with myself and then I see this beautiful helpless baby who needs me. He needs me so that he can exist and be happy. How do I do this when I can barely get myself out of bed? There are times when I feel like a complete screwup and that I offend everyone around me. I wish that these days would be rare but lately they are coming more and more often. I feel helpless. I feel worthless and I feel hopeless. It is times like these when it is necessary to rely on the Lord and ask him for His guidance. I do the best that I can. I know this is depressing and I don't mean to put it on those that read my blog. However few that may be. I just needed to write it down and express how I feel.
I feel like my feelings don't matter. Everyone else wants to be heard. When is it my turn? Everyone else gets to feel. When is it my turn. Everyone else gets to be happy. WHEN is it my turn??? I am drowning here :(
Summer
7 years ago
6 comments:
You're an amazing person, Jenny. I love you and hope you know we all have our ups and downs... can't wait for our girls weekend!!
Jenny
I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time. Don't feel worthless and hopeless....you are a beautiful wonderful daughter of God. If you need anything..help with your babies..chatting..whatever.please let me know. Love you
I think these feelings and words sound familiar to every mom. We can all relate. We give and give and sometimes forget ourselves. Our freeloading children milk us for all we are worth and give little back. :) Just kidding (kind of). Motherhood is a calling from God. It definetly is not easy and for the weak. You are tough you can make it through this rough patch Jenny. Grit your teeth, scream in your pillow, and pour out your heart to Heavenly Father. It will pass. It will get better. Although when you are having hard times it's hard to see that and you want to punch anyone who says that.
Can I come by and VT you this week? I'll call later to set up a time.
Wow, I could have written this myself. I totally get where you're coming from and have OFTEN said the words from your last sentence. I think you're totally right about leaning on the Lord, but sometimes it just takes a little more. I'm talking therapy. I'm allowed to say that cuz I've been in therapy for 5 years ;) I hope you find the peace you need. You deserve to be heard AND feel. You deserve all the happiness in the world!
Girl, I can relate!! Motherhood is so exhausting and challenging, and sometimes it can feel like you are losing yourself in the process. I have to agree that counseling can really help. Sometimes we get into a pattern of thinking and feeling, and can't seem to get ourselves out. I really, really love going to counseling, and I think it helps so much. If your insurance doesn't cover counseling, you can come to the ASU counselor training center (where I am training to be a counselor). It only costs $80 for a whole semester of once a week sessions. Their phone # is 480-965-5067. Hope you feel better, girl!!
Jenny, I like you no matter how you are feeling. Thanks for being my friend. I had fun talking to you at dinner on Saturday night. I wish you could always see what the rest of us see and that is a funny, beautiful, amazing friend, wife and mother. Susan
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